Marriage is a basic remedy for the sexual appetite. Alternative solutions are merely to enable you to bide your time until the proper circumstances for marriage arrive: maturity, adequate financial resources, and a virtuous woman. The Messenger of Allah, May Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “O young men! Any of you who are able to marry should do so. It lowers the eyes and protects the private parts. Any of you who are unable to do so should fast. Fasting is a protection for you.” Young men are addressed because they have the strength and youthful vigour. They are subject to sexual desire for women and are generally not free of it. An Nawawi said, “My companions consider the term ‘young men’ to cover all those who are between the age of puberty and thirty years old.” The Prophet [peace be upon him] prescribed marriage for those who have the means for it and those who do not have means should fast and control their desires until the time Allah opens the way for them. We find the source of this in the Noble Quran where Allah Almighty says:
“Any of you who do not have the means to marry believing free women may marry believing slave girls who are owned by those among you. Allah knows best about your belief – you are all equally believers. Marry them with their owners’ permission and give them dowries correctly and courteously as married women, not in fornication or taking them as lovers. When they are married, if they commit fornication, they should receive half the punishment of free women. This is for those of you who are afraid of committing fornication. But to be patient would be better for you. Allah is All-Knowing, Most Merciful.” (Surah an Nisa: Ayah 25)
This is a dispensation from Allah and a mercy for those Muslims who lack the financial resources to marry believing free women. He therefore unlocks another door for them, but still concludes by saying, “But to be patient would be better for you,” since marriage to slave-girls entails risks in respect of the upbringing of the children which result from it. Islam desires strong progeny who will grow up with dignity, honour and clear lineage and establish Muslim society on firm foundations. That is why the basis of all marriages must be thoroughly sound. Otherwise, it is better to be patient with your sexual desire and to remain abstinent, a policy endorsed by Allah in Surat an Nur when He says:
“Those who cannot find the means to marry should be abstinent until Allah enriches them from His unbounded favour.” (Surah an Noor: Ayah 33)
This call for abstinence and purity is only demanded when a man does not possess adequate financial means to marry. However, when he has the means, marriage becomes an obligatory duty in the Shari’ah. Listen to the guidance of the noble Prophet [peace be upon him] regarding the necessity and importance of marriage. It is related from Anas ibn Malik, may Allah be pleased with him, that he heard the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, say, “Whosoever wants to meet Allah pure and purified should marry free women.”
Abu Ayyub, may Allah be pleased with him, said that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “Four things are part of the sunan of the Messengers: henna, perfume, siwak and marriage.”
‘Abdullah ibn ‘Amr ibn al ‘As, may Allah be pleased with both of them, said that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “This world is passing enjoyment. One of the best kinds of provision it contains is a woman who helps her husband regarding the Next World. A poor man is one who has no wife and a poor woman is on who has no husband.”
Abu Umamah, May Allah be pleased with him, said that the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “There is nothing more beneficial to a believer after fear of Allah Almighty than a virtuous wife. When he orders her to do something, she obeys. When he looks at her, she delights him. When he requests her to do something, she carries it out. When he is absent from her, she is faithful to him both n respect of herself and his property.”
Anas, May Allah be pleased with him, related that the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said,” Any man whom Allah provides with a virtuous wife has been helped to half his Deen, so he should fear Allah regarding the other half.”
Abu Hurayrah, may Allah be pleased with him, related that the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “There are three people whom it is mandatory for Allah to help: someone who does jihad in the way of Allah, a slave who has been given a contact to free himself and desires to fulfil it and someone who marries out of the desire to preserve his chastity.”
Abu Buhayh, may Allah be pleased with him, related that the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “Whoever is affluent should marry. If he does not marry, he is not with me.”
Anas ibn Malik, May Allah be pleased with him, said “A group of people came to the houses of the wives of the prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, to ask about the worship of the Prophet. When they were told, it seemed that they thought that the amount was not sufficient. They said, ‘Where are we in relation to the Prophet?’Allah has forgiven him his past and future errors,’ One of them declared, ‘As for myself, I will pray all night,’ Another said, ‘I will fast continually and never break it.’ Another said, ‘I will withdraw from women and never marry.’ The Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace came to them and said, ‘Are you the people who said such and such? By Allah, I have more fear of Allah than you and more awareness of Him, but I fast and break the fast, and sleep, and marry women. Anyone who is averse to my Sunna is not with me.’”
The importance of marriage in Islam.
The reasons for the immense importance held by marriage in the life of the Muslims are summarised in the following points:
It is obedience to the command of Allah, who says in the Quran: “Marry those among you who are unmarried and your slaves and slave girls who are righteous. If they are poor Allah will enrich them from His overflowing favour.” (Surah an Noor: Ayah 32)
• It is following the guidance of our beloved Prophet [peace be upon him] and the Messengers of Allah since Allah Almighty said in His description of the Messengers: “We sent Messengers before you and gave them wives and children too” (Surah ar Ra’d: Ayah 38). An aspect of Allah’s love for the human race lies in enabling them to have children perpetuate the human species. The child is the goal of both the legal contract and the physical pleasure it sanctions. However, there is no pleasure in the life of the Muslim which does not entail subsequent responsibility as shown in this case by the upbringing of children.
• It gives repose and delight to the soul since sitting with, looking at, and playing with one’s spouse allows the heart to relax and strengthens it for worship. Without this the soul would grow wearied and turn away from the truth. The Almighty says: “Among His signs is that He created for you spouses from yourselves so that you might find repose with them. And He has placed between you affection and mercy. In that there are certainly signs for people who reflect.” (Surah ar Rum: Ayah 22).
• It fortifies the heart against Shaytan by satisfying sexual desire and therefore averting the dangers of unbridled sexual appetite. It is like an impregnable fortress which protects the Muslims from fortification and so saves them from falling into abyss which plunges people into the lower levels of Hellfire in this world before the Next. There is no more effective way of dealing with sexual energy.
• It provides an arena for combating and disciplining the lower self through taking care of the family and looking after their needs, putting up with their faults and failings, and striving to bring them up well and guide them to the right path. The Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said: “What a man spends on his family is sadaqa.” He said, “A man is rewarded for the mouthful he gives to his wife.”
Truly man should be amazed at the wisdom of the way his lord deals with the sexual instinct. It allows the sexual appetite to be satisfied, provides man with progeny and encourages him to strive on behalf of his family. Every aspect of the human self is taken into account and the result is a pure fruit whose fragrance permeates all parts of Muslim society Muslims are encouraged to satisfy their sexual instinct and by doing so achieve good in this world and the Next. This made the leaders among the Companions and the Followers eager to marry as they were to please Allah and His Messenger. ‘Umar, may Allah be pleased with him, said, “I force myself to have sexual intercourse hoping that Allah will bring forth by means of it another human being to glorify and remember Him.”
Ibn Mas’u d, may Allah be pleased with said, “Even if only ten days of my life remained, I would still get married because I would not like to meet Allah unmarried.” He also said, Seek wealth through marriage in conformity with the words of Allah, ‘If they are poor Allah will enrich them from His overflowing favour’ (Surah an Noor: Ayah 32)”.
Imam Ahmad ibn Hanbal said, “Anyone who calls on you not to marry has called you to do something other than Islam.”He, May Allah have mercy on him, married two days after the death of his wife and said, “I do not want to spend a night as an unmarried man.”
(Dealing with Lust and Greed according to Islam, Shaykh ‘Abd al Hamid Kishk)
See also:
ibn ayyub 
by being married moeslem considered has done
half of they religion. Is that true?
The Prophet[Muhammad], may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said,” Any man whom Allah provides with a virtuous wife has been helped to half his Deen[religion], so he should fear Allah[God] regarding the other half.”
Thanks for a great post.
Interesting post. But what if a Muslim feels that they would be better not married? I feel that if I were to get married, I would be more likely to be pulled in this dunyah and not think about the Akhirah. I think I would not focus on my religion and my relationship with Allah that much. I honestly think it would be better for me not to get married, but I don’t want to go against my deen. So is there any hadith that addresses about men who shouldn’t get married?
as-salamu ‘alaykum
Firstly Marriage is Sunnah. Not only is it the Sunnah of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) it is the Sunnah of all the Prophets of Allah. Marriage is also a Sunnah that will continue into the Next Life also. For some people this is only the convincing they need. If it’s Sunnah then that’s it for some. Which is how things ought to be.
Marriage is not something which disconnects you from Allah. If it was such then our Prophet and his companions would not have married so often. In fact the opposite is what Islam has discouraged. It is difficult to explain and I feel that only married people can truly understand marriage. When married people joke or even complain about married life, single people take heart to this and think that marriage is total gloom and misery. But in fact it totally isn’t, only a married person knows how it is to feel both miserable and happy both at the exact same time. It sounds strange but it’s true. Someone may in a joking manner complain about his/her spouse but when you suggest to them that they leave them the answer is a “No”.
Marrriage entails some responsibilities that come along with the solace. The man has to work harder in order to maintain the family and the wife looks after the home and kids. This may look like it’s disconnecting you from Allah but in fact it isn’t. The toil that each go through is rewarded for by Allah. If you’re doing it for the right reasons and attitude, Allah will grant you Barakah and strength. According to Imam Abu Hanifah time spent with one’s spouse is more rewarding than time spent in Nafil ‘Ibadah. Islam is a complete religion and it recognises that we live in a world. If Islam was restricted to just ‘Ibadat then the world would be a colourless place.
There are functions and emotions that are within a human being that can’t be extracted. Anger for example is one of them. Anger in of itself isn’t a blameworthy trait. In fact it’s a good trait. But it has to be used in the correct place and time, such as to protect one’s family and property. Anger at such a time is crucial. If you don’t show anger at such a time then you have a spiritual disease of not having anger. Similarly carnal desires are not in of themselves blameworthy. They are blameworthy when misused in Zina. When they are used in marriage with one’s spouse they are praiseworthy. One shouldn’t feel cursed or impure for having such feelings as is found in other religious doctrines. Islam wants us to channel them in the right places.
Most of the ‘Ulema of the past were married. Marriage didn’t stop them from ‘Ilmi pursuits and their connection with Allah. This is yet a harder concept to put in words, but it is totally true. The Love of Allah and His Messenger tastes different and doesn’t cancel out the love one may have for their children, spouse, parents etc. It’s the love of Allah that brings about you to love others and respect them more. Show mercy to those on the Earth and Allah will show mercy to you.
There are many who end up put off marriage due to the financial constraints with supplementary arguments that you have posed, and in the end when they start creeping towards their 30s then get married. Now think about it. If say you were 27 and married. You have your first child when you’re 28/29. When your kid turns 20 you’ll be 50. And that’s only your first child. It’s simply not worth putting off marriage. Of course there will be problems but you have to tackle them in a cool manner and not get stressed out by them.
Imam Ghazali was once asked by a young man that should I devote myself to the deen of Allah or should I get married. Imam Ghazali replied “Do both”.
In the present times we live in, I feel that we have really pushed the nafs too far. By that I mean those who are trying to practice the deen of Allah and ask questions similar to the ones you’ve posed. Firstly telling someone to wait till he/she reaches their mid-twenties to get married is untenable. Call be naive but I think this is more/less a fact. And even if they manage to do that, they end up having negative physiological, emotional and spiritual side-effects.
From a fiqh point of view people bring their opposing arguments, but I think this is an insult to the very word fiqh. Fiqh means to have a deep understanding of matters and putting off marriage due to these fiqhy reasons doesn’t seem properly fiqh orientated.
I don’t know, Allah knows best
ibn ayyub
Advice to one who does not want to get married
Question:
I am a young man and I do not want to get married. What should I do?.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
You should note that people are not all the same when it comes to marriage. The basic principle that marriage, which was the way of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), is prescribed, applies to all people, but it may be more important in the case of some people than others.
Ibn Qudaamah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
With regard to marriage, people are of three types:
1 – Some fear that they may fall into haraam things if they do not get married. Such a person has to get married, according to the majority of fuqaha’, because he has to keep himself chaste and protect himself against doing haraam things, and the way to do that is getting married.
2 – For some it is mustahabb. This is the one who feels desire but there is no danger of his falling into haraam. It is better for him to get married than to devote himself to naafil acts of worship. This is the view of ashaab al-ra’y and it is the view of the Sahaabah (may Allaah be pleased with them and their deeds).
Ibn Mas’ood said: If I only had ten days to live and I knew that I would die at the end of them, and I had any desire to get married, I would get married, for fear of fitnah (temptation).
It was narrated that Sa’eed ibn Jubayr said: Ibn ‘Abbaas said to me: “Have you gotten married?”
I said: “No.”
He said: “Get married, for the best of this ummah are the ones with the most wives.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (5069).
Ibraaheem ibn Maysarah said: Tawoos said to me: “Either get married, or I will say to you what ‘Umar said to Abu’l-Zawaa’id: Nothing is keeping you from getting married except impotence or immorality.”
3 – Those who have no desire, either because they were not created with any desire, such as one who is impotent, or they had desire but it has disappeared due to old age, sickness and so on. There are two opinions:
(i) It is mustahabb to get married because of the general meaning of what we have discussed.
(ii) Remaining single is better for him because he cannot achieve the purpose of marriage, and he would be preventing his wife from becoming chaste by marrying someone else. And he would be harming her by keeping her for himself, and he is exposing himself to obligations and duties that perhaps he cannot fulfil, and he is distracting himself from seeking knowledge and worship with something that is of no benefit to him.
Ibn Qudaamah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: The apparent meaning of the words of Ahmad is that there is no difference between the one who can afford it and the one who cannot. He said: a man should get married and if he can afford to spend he should spend, and if he cannot then he should be patient.
This applies to one who is able to get married. As for the one who cannot, Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And let those who find not the financial means for marriage keep themselves chaste, until Allaah enriches them of His Bounty” [al-Noor 24:33]. End quote from al-Mughni (9/341-344).
As this point we would like to ask you about the reason for this aversion to marriage.
If you think that not getting married is an act of worship by means of which you can draw closer to the Lord of the Worlds, and you think that if you avoid marriage this will raise you in status before Allaah, you are mistaken and there is the fear that you may be sinning.
It was narrated that Anas ibn Maalik (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: Three people came to the houses of the wives of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) asking about the worship of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). When they were told, it was as if they regarded it as too little. They said: Who are we in comparison to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)? Allaah has forgiven his past and future sins. One of them said: As for me, I will pray all night forever. Another said: I shall fast all my life and never break my fast. Another said: I shall keep away from women and never get married. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) came and said: “Are you the ones who said such and such? By Allaah, I am the one who fears Allaah the most among you and I am the most pious, but I fast and I break my fast, I pray and I sleep, and I marry women. Whoever turns away from my Sunnah is not of me.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (5063) and Muslim (1401).
See also the answer to question no. 34652.
If you do not want to get married because you have no sexual desire, or you think that you are not able to fulfil the duties of marriage, and you are afraid of falling short in meeting a wife’s needs, I say to you: In that case there is no sin on you if you do not get married, but do not rely on your thoughts and notions. Rather you should consult a specialist doctor and ask him for advice, for he is most able to diagnose your condition, and he may have some advice for treatment that has never crossed your mind. So do not hesitate to visit him and do not let shyness stop you, for matters of medical treatment are not the place for shyness.
If you say that you are afraid of being poor, and you do not have enough wealth to look after a family, I say to you: Try your best to earn a living and be content and think positively of Allaah, for He has promised on the lips of His Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) that He will help the one who wants to be chaste and seeks that which is halaal by getting married.
It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There are three whom Allaah is bound to help: the mujaahid who strives (in jihad) for the sake of Allaah, the mukaatib (a slave who has made a contract of manumission with his master) who wants to pay off his manumission, and a man who gets married, seeking to remain chaste.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (1655), classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.
If you have something that you want to achieve – such as a certificate, a position, a project and so on – and you say that you want to achieve that first, then you will get married, we say to you: Why are you ignoring marriage for that reason?
Marriage has never been a barrier to achieving things, rather in most cases it is a support and a help. That is just the whisperings of the shaytaan, which he has instilled in the minds of many young men so that it has become prevalent in our culture and society, and you hear many of those who have delayed their own marriages or the marriages of their sons and daughters saying such things, and our society has become burdened with problems resulting from large numbers of single men and women, and the delay of marriage, but despite that we have not seen any achievement, development or progress, whereas the first generation of Muslims used to hasten to do good and they did not delay marriage, and their achievements were the greatest and most complete of achievements.
Shaykh Ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in Majmoo’ al-Fataawa (20/421):
What is required is to hasten to get married, and no young man or young woman should delay marriage for the sake of studies, because marriage does not prevent any such thing. It is possible for a young man to get married in order to protect his religious commitment and morals, and enable him to lower his gaze. Marriage serves many purposes, especially in this day and age. Because delaying it is harmful for both young women and young men, every young man and every young woman should hasten to get married if there is a man who is compatible with the woman, and if a man can find the right woman. End quote.
And over and above all that, how about if you realize that marriage will protect half of your religion?
It was narrated from Anas ibn Maalik (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whomever Allaah has blessed with a righteous wife, He has helped him with half of his religion, so let him fear Allaah with regard to the other half. Narrated by al-Haakim in al-Mustadrak (2/175), al-Tabaraani in al-Awsat (1/294) and al-Bayhaqi in Shu’ab al-Eemaan (4/382). Al-Haakim said: This is a hadeeth with a saheeh isnaad, although they (al-Bukhaari and Muslim) did not narrate it. Al-Dhahabi said in al-Talkhees: it is saheeh. It was classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Targheeb (2/192).
How about if you realise that by getting married, you will have followed the advice of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) when he said: “O young men, whoever among you can afford it, let him get married, for it is more effective in lowering the gaze and guarding one’s chastity.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (5065)and Muslim (1400).
How about if you realize that by producing a righteous child you will have ongoing charity (sadaqah jaariyah), if you raise him with good morals and faith, and you will be rewarded for your marriage if you seek reward with Allaah for that. See the answer to question no. 8891.
By getting married, you will be protecting yourself, lowering your gaze, and closing the door to one of the greatest means by which the shaytaan deceives people. You may not feel the seriousness of that now, but fitnah may come from places a person does not realize, so you should be keen to close the door before it is opened without you realizing it.
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “I have not left behind me any fitnah more harmful to men than women.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (5096) and Muslim (2741).
Marriage is a source of tranquillity and peace, and it is the best of the pleasures of this world. In it is that which Allaah has made a sign for His slaves, and He has mentioned it in His Book so that they may think and ponder the greatness of His might, may He be glorified and exalted. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect”
[al-Room 30:21]
Can there be any hesitation after this?
Be resolved and put your trust in Allaah, and Allaah will help you, and will provide you with a righteous wife who will help you to obey your Lord and He will bless you with righteous offspring who will be a stored treasure for you with Allaah in the Hereafter.
See also the answer to question no. 6254.
And Allaah knows best.
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Thanks for your great article on the importance of marriage.
I personally agree with all you have said. As a person, I try my best to be a good practising Muslim. Being a student at an American University (Texas A&M University at Qatar), I can now understand the importance of getting married early. It definitely protects your deen. Everywhere I see my freinds going out with their girl friends, partying with them, chatting and so and so. Girls come to the university dressed immodestly. In such circumstances, I know how difficult it has become now a days to maintain “lower your gaze”. I lower my gaze and I am very rigorous in this case. I harldly look at girls deliberately. Neither do I talk or chat with them. I have no girl friend. Even in internet I have never chatted with any girls. But my only problem has been I watch pornography sometimes. I am trying my best to avoid this bad habit, but please pray for me, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE.
Also those who say that people can go well without marriage couldn’t be wrong more. Sometimes, although I am just a third year engineering student and have a long way to go, I feel emotionally depressed or very frustrated when I feel I should deeply hug someone (Might sound funny, but please don’t laugh, I am being honest here. I have never exprssed my feelings before). Sometimes I come across some issues that I can’t share with my mon-dad or my siblings. Sometimes, when Allah awards me with succes in my educational career, I feel sharing with someone. Sometimes when I see my friends dating with a girl, I also wish to have a partner of mine. But I cannot cross the border set by Allah. I will only have a partner through marriage (although that is not happening in near future as my mom believes that sons should marry only when they are 29-or 30, and I am very obedient to my mom, and I am just 20). Till then, I deeply pray to Allah to help me refraing from any immoral acts and maintain my chastity.
Lower your gaze!!Pffft..if only it was that easy.. you know that WE ALL CANT DO THAT!! it so happens that when sum1 interests us it is a psychological nature just tu stare..LOL!! I mean .. well.. YeeeeeeeaaaaHhhhHH. u noe..umm…its all in the hormones and the insides.. so yesh.. absolutely noffing..NOFFING! Its quite physical actually it so happens like that..
I really like this statement from Ibn Baz:
Shaykh Ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in Majmoo’ al-Fataawa (20/421):
What is required is to hasten to get married, and no young man or young woman should delay marriage for the sake of studies, because marriage does not prevent any such thing. It is possible for a young man to get married in order to protect his religious commitment and morals, and enable him to lower his gaze. Marriage serves many purposes, especially in this day and age. Because delaying it is harmful for both young women and young men, every young man and every young woman should hasten to get married if there is a man who is compatible with the woman, and if a man can find the right woman. End quote.
It is often said that it is Sunnah to marry a woman either for Her :
1.Piety, 2. Beauty, 3. Wealth
Are the last 2 not selfish reasons and would it not be bad if you divorce because these features are no longer there?
Salam A, Very informative and indeed important issues discussed. I think Parents needs to be educated about marriage. They are the responsible in delaying marriage of mostly of the boys. You finish your studies first (studies go till Phd… then ) you buy first your home, make bank balance.. If their son or daughter commit any sin due to their this behavior they will be accountable and burden will be on them on the Day of Judgment.
I am single and praying for Saber and chaste as Brother BM.. belongs to Pakistan.. Every time I talk to them about marriage they told me Azad hai ti kush hai.. dekho shadi Shuda ko .. ( you are single you are happy .. look at the married people) . ..
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yes i do agree.Both men and wemen should do it as soon as possible.
Assalamu Alaiqum
Marriage keeps us away from STDs like HIV AIDS.
How? When a person get married s/he probably will not fornicate with others. And if any of them possess any kind of sexually transmitted disease by any means, this disease will remain in them(Among the husband and his wives).
every one talks/ says about a miarrage, how to do it and what it take/ like but no one says that this are the behaviour or this are the reasons for braking it. Can i ask the reasons could brakes that. everyone should know the both side. thanks.
What the hell is all this rubbish you are talking about. I mean marriage is entirely a personal business and i dont think that any religion could force it on anyone. A single person is not necessarily deemed to commit acts of deceny. I think that a strong willed person could stay single and still remain modest in life and pure. The stuff you talk about is just another way to exert control over individuals and keep them in check by tying them up. After all marriage is nothing but the halving of freedom and doubling of responsibilty. Life should be lived to the full and individual happiness be the aim.