The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.
–Theodore Hesburgh
Taken from “The Proper Conduct of Marriage in Islam” (‘Adaab an-Nikaah), Book 12 of Imam Ghazalis “Ihya ‘Ulum ad-Din”, Translated by Muhtar Holland. Al-Baz Publishing, 1998, ISBN: 1-882216-14-8.
Al-Junaid used to say: “I need sexual intercourse just as I need food.” The wife is in fact nourishment and a means of keeping the heart pure. That is why Allah’s Messenger (Allah bless him and give him peace) commanded anyone who caught site of a woman, and desired her, to couple with his wife, since that would dispel the temptation from his soul. (Page 24)
It is likewise related of Ibn ‘Umar (may Allah be well pleased with him), who was one of the more ascetic and scholarly Companions, that he used to break his fast with sexual intercourse before eating. He would sometimes copulate before bathing and performing the sunset prayer. All this he did so as to leave his heart clear to worship Allah, and to dispose of Satan’s power to distract him. (Page 25)
After the death of Fatima (peace be upon her), her husband ‘Ali (may Allah be well pleased with him) remarried in seven days. (Page 26)
From: Themodernreligion.org
Sufyân ibn ‘Uyaynah (rahimahullâh) said, “The most nimble of creatures still have need of a voice. The cleverest women still need to have a husband, and the cleverest man still needs to consult wise men.”
By the middle of this century the Muslim population will be such that it will dominate the world. This video discusses the demographics that will lead to this change.
Obviously, Christians and Europeans are very worried about this fact and if we look in history we will se that they maybe justified because their birth rate is so low that at no stage ever has a nation turned around such a small rate. It has only lead to their total decline and ultimate destruction.
Very interesting video and the good news is that the Muslims, by simply doing what we are doing, will soon be the most dominant force in the world, inshallah.
Note that this video is made by Christians to scare the Christians about the Muslims and to get them call Muslims to the Gospels. It is obviously a tool to increase the hatred between our two faiths – like we need anything else to do that!
From: Hamza Jennings
Hakim al-Umma Mawlana Ashraf ‘Ali Thanawi (may Allah have mercy on him) said,
“The root cause of unity and accord is to accept an individual as the leader and others agree to follow him. In a group where everyone claims to be equal to others, without any distinction of leader and followers there can never be unity at all.”
Tohfa zojain, page 46
This rule also applies to marital relationship.
From: Ashrafiya
Hakim al-Umma Hadhrat Mawlana Ashraf ‘Ali Thanawi (may Allah have mercy on him) advised to the husbands,
“Condone even an explicit mistake of your wife. Being patient on her wrongdoing will elevate your ranks (in Hereafter) and create moral endurance (tahammul) in your character. This moral endurance is very beneficial in one’s deen and rewarding (in Hereafter).”
Tuhfa e zojain, page 150
From: Ashrafiya
Nasreddin Hodja and a friend were discussing their wives, when it occurred to the friend that Nasreddin had never mentioned his wife’s name.
“What is your wife’s name?” he asked.
“I do not know her name,” admitted the Hodja.
“What?” asked the friend in disbelief. “How long have you been married?”
“Twenty years,” answered the Hodja, then added, “At first I did not think that the marriage would last, so I did not take the effort to learn my bride’s name.”
From Here
I never thought I would be saying this, but being a free woman isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Is that the rustle of taffeta I hear as the suffragettes turn in their graves? Possibly. My mother was a hippy who kept a pile of (dusty) books by Germaine Greer and Erica Jong by her bed (like every good feminist, she didn’t see why she should do all the cleaning). She imbued me with the great values of choice, equality and sexual liberation. I fought with my older brother and won; at university I beat the rugby lads at drinking games. I was not to be messed with.
Now, nearly 37, those same values leave me feeling cold. I want love and children but they are nowhere to be seen. I feel like a UN inspector sent in to Iraq only to find that there never were any weapons of mass destruction. I was led to believe that women could “have it all” and, more to the point, that we wanted it all. To that end I have spent 20 years ruthlessly pursuing my dreams – to be a successful playwright. I have sacrificed all my womanly duties and laid it all at the altar of a career. And was it worth it? The answer has to be a resounding no.
Ten years ago The Times ran a piece about my play Paradise Syndrome. It was based on my girlfriends in the music business. All we did was party, work and drink. The play sold out and I thought: “This is it! I’m going to have it all: success, power and men are going to adore me for it.” In reality it was the beginning of years of hard slog, rejection letters and living on the breadline. A decade on, I have written the follow-up play Touched for the Very First Time in which Lesley, played by Sadie Frost, is an ordinary 14-year-old from Manchester who falls in love with Madonna in 1984 after hearing the song Like a Virgin. She religiously follows her icon through the years, as Madonna sells her the ultimate dream: “You can do anything – be anything – go girl.” Lesley discovers, along with Madonna, that trying to “have it all” is a huge gamble. I wrote the play because so many of my girlfriends were inspired by this bullish woman who allowed us to be strong and sexy. I still love her and always will, but she has encouraged us to chase a fantasy and it’s a huge disappointment.
I may be an extreme case. My views may not represent those of other women of my generation. Perhaps I am just a spoilt middle-class girl who had a career and who has now changed her mind? I don’t think so. This month the General Household Survey found that the number of unmarried women under 50 has more than doubled over the past 30 years. And by the age of 30, one in five of these “freemales”, who have chosen independence over husband and family, has gone through a broken cohabitation.
I argue that women’s libbers of the Sixties and Seventies put careerism at the forefront, trampling the traditional role of women underneath their Doc Martens. I wish a more balanced view of womanhood had been available to me. I wish that being a housewife or a mother wasn’t such a toxic idea to middle-class liberals of yesteryear.
Increasing numbers of my feminist friends are giving up their careers for love and children and baking. I wish I’d had kids ten years ago, when time was on my side, but the problem is not so much time as mentality. I made a conscious decision not to have serious relationships because I thought I had all the time in the world. Many of my friends did the same. It’s about understanding what is important in life, and from what I see and feel, loving relationships and children bring more happiness than work ever can.
Natasha Hidvegi, 37, has left her job as a surgeon to look after her son. “I found it impossible to be a good surgeon and a good mother. Though it was a horrendous decision, I don’t regret it.”
I thought that men would love independent, strong women, but (in general) they don’t appear to. Men are programmed to like their women soft and feminine. It’s not their fault – it’s in the genes. Holly Kendrick, 34, who holds a high-status job in the theatre, agrees: “Men tend to be freaked out if you work as hard as them.” This is why many of my girlfriends are still alone. The truth, though, is not that men haven’t accepted women’s modernity – the alpha woman who never questions her entitlement to the same jobs, fun and sexual gratification as them – but that women haven’t either. I feel a great pressure from other women of my generation, who have partners and kids, to join their club. In their eyes I am not the trailblazer but the failure. My friend Rita Arnold, 36, works in marketing. “It’s not men who judge me for being a careerist. It’s other women. The claws come out.”
This leaves me sick to the stomach. We are letting each other down but there is a worse betrayal than that. I am a failure in my own eyes. Somewhere inside lurks a woman I cannot control and she is in the kitchen with a baby on her hip and dough in her hand, staring me down. She is saying: “This is happiness, this is what it’s all about.” It’s an instinct that makes me a woman, an instinct that I can’t ignore even if I wanted to.
Felicity Wren, 36, is an actress who has yet to find Mr Right. “I feel the pressure, but only from myself, about how I do not have a conventional life. Most people don’t care.”
Had I this understanding of my psyche ten years ago I would have demoted my writing (and hedonism) and pursued a relationship with vigour. There were plenty of men and even a marriage offer, but I wouldn’t give up my dreams.
I talked to the girls who were the subject of my play Paradise Syndrome in 1999. Sas Taylor, 38, single and childless, runs her own PR company: “In my twenties I felt I was invincible,” she says. “Now I wish I had done it all differently. I seem to scare men off because I am so capable. I have business success but it doesn’t make you happy.” Nicki P, 35 and single, works in the music industry and adds: “It was all a game back then. Now I am panicking. No one told me that having fun is not as fun as I thought.”
As I write this I feel sad, as if the feminist principles that my mother brought me up on are being trashed. Am I betraying womanhood? No, I am revealing a shameful truth. Women are often the worst enemies of feminism because of our genetic make-up. We have only a finite time to be mothers and when that clock starts ticking we abandon our strength and jump into bed with whoever is left, forgetting talk of deadlines and PowerPoint presentations in favour of Mamas & Papas buggies and ovulation diaries. Not all women want children but I challenge any woman to say she doesn’t want loving relationships. I wish I’d had the advice that I am giving to my 21-year-old sister: if you find a great guy, don’t be afraid to settle down and have kids because there isn’t anything to miss out on that you can’t do later (apart from having kids).
In the future I hope that there can be a better understanding of women by women. The past 25 years have been confusing and I feel that I’ve been caught in the crossfire. As women we should accept each other rather than just appreciating “success”. I have always felt a huge pressure to be successful to show men that I am their equal. What a waste of time. Wife and mother should be given parity with the careerist role in the minds of feminists.
My mother had children early and has brilliantly juggled a career as a filmmaker and parent. She was part of the generation that overlapped, that had feminist values but had children early. She hasn’t had the job opportunities of my generation, she had to make sacrifices and take lesser jobs to be at parents’ evenings. Choice and careers are vital, of course, but they shouldn’t be pursued relentlessly. I love being a writer and still have my dream but now I am facing facts. The thing that has made me feel best in life was being in love with my ex-boyfriend and the thing that makes me feel the most centred is being in the country with kids and dogs, and yes, maybe in the kitchen.
From: Times Online
The second category of necessities daily life is praised and boasted of when it is abundant and includes such things as marriage and rank. The necessity for marriage is agreed upon in the Shari`ah and in custom. It is a proof of perfection and sound masculinity. It has always been customary to boast of and praise a lot of it and, as far as the Shari`ah is concerned, it is a transmitted sunna.
Ibn `Abbas said, “The best of this community is the one with the most wives,” indicating the Prophet. [1] The Prophet said, “Marry and procreate. I want to increase communities by you.” [2]
He forbade celibacy. This is because marriage brings with it restraint of the appetites and lowering the eye as the Prophet pointed out. He said, “Whoever has the capacity should marry. It lowers the eyes and protects the private parts.” [3]
For this reason the `ulema’ do not consider it something that detracts from the virtue of abstinence. Sahl at-Tustari said, “Women were loved by the Master of the Messengers, so how could we abstain from them?” Ibn `Uyayna says something to the same effect.
The most ascetic of the Companions had a lot of wives and slave-girls and had much sexual intercourse with them. More than one of them disliked the idea of meeting Allah unmarried.
It might be asked, “How can it be that marriage has so many virtues when Allah praised Yahya, son of Zakariyya, for being chaste? How could Allah praise him for not doing something considered to be a virtue? Furthermore, `Isa ibn Maryam remained celibate. If things were as you claim, would he not have married?”
The answer is this. It is clear that Allah did praise Yahya for being chaste. It was not as someone has said, that he was timid or without masculinity. Astute commentators and critical scholars reject this assertion, saying that it would imply an imperfection and a fault that is not fitting for one of the prophets. It means that he was protected from wrong actions, i.e. it was as if he were kept from them. Some say that he was from all his bodily appetites, and some say he did not have any desire for women.
It is clear from this that the lack of the ability to marry is an imperfection. Virtue lies in its taking place. Therefore the absence of it can only be through the existence of a counter virtue, either striving as in the case of `Isa, or by having sufficiency from Allah as Yahya did, since marriage frequently distracts from Allah and brings a person down into this world.
Someone able to marry and carry out the obligations incurred by marriage without being distracted from his Lord has a lofty degree. Such is the degree of our Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace. Having many wives did not distract him from worshipping his Lord. Indeed, it increased him in worship in that he protected his wives, gave them their rights, earned for them and guided them. He clearly stated that such things were not part of the portion of his earthly life but that they are the part of the portion the the earthly life of others.
He said, “He made me love in this world of yours, women and scent, and the coolness of my eye (i.e. my delight) is in the prayer,” [4] and then he indicated that his love for women and scent are worldly things for other people whereas his occupation with them was not for his worldly life, but for the life of the Next World because of otherworldly benefits of marriage already mentioned and his desire to come out to the angels wearing scent. Scent also encourages intercourse, assists it and stimulates it. He loved these two qualities for the sake of others and for the restraint of his appetite. His true love, particular to him, lay in witnessing the Jabarut of his Lord and intimate conversation with Him. That is why he made a distinction between the two loves and separated the two conditions, saying: “and the delight of my eye is in the prayer.”
Yahya and `Isa were on the same level regarding the trial of women. However, there is an extra virtue in satisfying women’s needs. The Prophet was among those who have been given the ability to do so and he was given it in abundance. This is why he was allowed a greater number of wives than anyone else.
It is related from Anas, “The Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, used to visit his wives in one hour of the day or night, and there were eleven of them.” [5]
Anas said, “We used to say that he had been given the power of thirty men.” [6] Something similar was related from Abu Rafi`. Tawus said, “The Prophet was given the power of forty men in intercourse.” A similar statement came from Safwan ibn Sulaym.
Salama, the female client of the Prophet, said, “The Prophet would go around in the night to nine of his wives and then purify himself from each of them before going to the next. He said, ‘This is better and purer.’” [7]
The Prophet Sulayman said, [8] “I went around in the night to a hundred or ninety-nine women.” So he had that capacity as well. Ibn `Abbas said, “There was the semen of a hundred men in the loins of Sulayman, and he had three hundred wives and three hundred slave-girls.” An-Naqqash and others related that he had seven hundred wives and three hundred slave-girls.
While the Prophet Da’ud was being ascetic and eating from the work of his own hands, he had ninety-nine wives and he completed the hundred by marrying Uriya’. Allah mentions that in His Mighty Book when He says, “This brother of ours had ninety-nine ewes.” (38:23)
In the hadith of Anas, the Prophet said, “I have been preferred over people in four things: generosity, courage, much intercourse and great power.” [9]
As for rank, it is normally praised by intelligent men. There is esteem in the hearts according to rank. When He described `Isa, Allah said, “He is noble in this world and the Next.” (2:45)
However, it is also the cause of much misfortune and is harmful for some people in relation to the Next World. That is why people have censured it and praised its opposite. The Shari`ah also praises obscurity and censures exaltedness in the earth.
The Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, possessed modesty, position in the hearts of men and their esteem both before his prophethood, during the Jahiliyya, and after it. Then they rejected him, injured him, injured his Companions and tried to harm him secretly. But whenever he encountered them face to face, they showed him respect and gave him what he needed. The traditions about this are well-known and we will give some of them.
Anyone who had not seen the Prophet before would become perplexed and terrified when he saw him. This was related about Qayla. When she saw the Prophet she trembled with terror. He said, “Poor girl, you must be calm.” [10]
In the hadith of Abu Mas`ud, it tells of a man who stood before the Prophet and trembled. He said to him, “Relax, I am not a king.” [11]
As for his inestimable worth by reason of his being a Prophet, the honour of his position by being a Messenger, his exalted rank being chosen by Allah and his honour in this world. It is as great as it is possible to be. And in the Next World, he will be the master of the Children of Adam. [12] The implication to be drawn from this section forms the basis of this entire chapter.
___________________________________________
[1] al-Bukhari.
[2] Ibn Mardawayh in his Tafsir from ibn `Umar, marfu` with a weak isnad. at-Tabarani also has something similar in al-Awsat.
[3] at-Tabarani, and Muslim and al-Bukhari.
[4] al-Hakim and an-Nasa’i.
[5] al-Bukhari and an-Nasa’i
[6] an-Nasa’i related that. It is also in al-Bukhari.
[7] Sound hadith related by Abu Dawud.
[8] Ibid.
[9] at-Tabarani.
[10] In ash-Shama’il of at-Tirmidhi and the Sunan of Abu Dawud. Ibn Sa`d transmitted it.
[11] Mursal hadith from Qays in al-Bayhaqi. al-Hakim has it and says it is sound.
[12] As in the hadith of al-Bukhari.
(Qadi `Iyad ibn Musa al-Yahusubi, Kitab ash-Shifa’ bi-ta`rif huquq Mustafa , translated by Aisha Abdarrahman Bewley and published by Madinah Press, as Muhammad Messenger of Allah, Ash-Shifa of Qadi `Iyad. p.46-49)
Allah Ta’ala has made nikah itself such that it increases love between two individuals. Rasulullah (Sallalahu Alaihi Wasallam) has said:
عن ابن عباس قال قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم لم نر للمتحابين مثل النكاح
Ibn Abbas (Radhiyallahu Anhu) narrates that Rasulullah (Sallalahu Alaihi Wasallam) has said, “We have not seen anything that creates love between two individuals such as nikah.” (Ibn Majha)
There are many ways of increasing love between the couple. Consider the following ten points to maintain a happy marriage and control the instinct of dispute.
1. Fear Allah: It was the noble practice of Nabi (Sallalahu Alaihi Wasallam) to make the spouses aware of the fear of Allah before performing a nikah by reciting the verses (al-Nisa 14, al-Ahzab 69, Aali-Imraan 101) from the Qur’an. All the verses are common in the message of taqwa (fear of Allah). The spouses will be first committed to Allah before being committed to their partner. There can be no doubt in the success of a marriage governed by the fear of Allah.
2. Never be angry at the same time: Anger is the root cause for all marital disputes. One Sahabi came to Rasulullah (Sallalahu Alaihi Wasallam) and sought some advice. Rasulullah (Sallalahu Alaihi Wasallam) replied, “Control your anger.” The same advice was rendered three times. (Mishkat p. 433; H.M. Saeed)
3. If one has to win an argument, let it be the other: Nabi (Sallalahu Alaihi Wasallam) said, “Whoever discards an argument despite being correct shall earn a palace in the center of Jannah. (Mishkat p. 412)
4. Never shout at each other unless the house is on fire: Luqman (AS) while offering advice to his son said, “And lower your voice for verily the most disliked voice is that of an donkey.” (Surah Luqman 19)
5. If you have to criticize, do it lovingly: Rasulullah (Sallalahu Alaihi Wasallam) said, “A Mu’min is a mirror for a Mu’min.” (Abu Dawood 2/325 Imdadiya) Advice with dignity and silently.
6. Never bring up mistakes of the past: Nabi (Sallalahu Alaihi Wasallam) said, “Whoever conceals the faults of others, Allah shall conceal his faults on the day of Qiyamah.” (Mishkat p. 429)
7. Neglect the whole world rather than your marriage partner: Nabi (Sallalahu Alaihi Wasallam) confirmed the advice of Salman (Radhiyallahu Anhu) to Abu Darda (Radhiyallahu Anhu) for neglecting his wife. “Verily there is a right of your wife over you.” (Nasai 2391)
8. Never sleep with an argument unsettled: Abu Bakr (Radhiyallahu Anhu) resolved his dispute with his wife over feeding the guest before going to bed. (Bukhari 602)
9. At least, once everyday, express your gratitude to your partner: Nabi (Sallalahu Alaihi Wasallam) said, “Whoever does not show gratitude to the people has not shown gratitude to Allah.” (Abu Dawud p. 662; Karachi)
10. When you have done something wrong, be ready to admit it and ask for forgiveness: Nabi (Sallalahu Alaihi Wasallam) said, “All the sons of Adam commit error, and the best of those who err are those who seek forgiveness.” (Tirmidhi 2499)
(Taken from Al-Mahmood)
From: at-Talib
See also:
